About a century ago, speaker and author Dale Carnegie stated, "Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest sound in any language." This insight was said to be so profound, it had to be written in a book, which did become a best-seller. But do we really need to be told this?
Addressing one by their proper name and title is a sign of respect and considered a social faux pas if not used correctly. We have all had those instances when meeting someone familiar to us, our minds simply draw a blank. We may feel slighted or that our egos are bruised when one forgets us. It certainly makes all parties, even those watching, feel uncomfortable.
So, how do we avoid these sticky situations and all the embarrassment they bring? Many say to rely on a mnemonic device to aid our recall. That is to say, a mental trick to spark our recollection. As one who has attended workshops on the topic, I can attest this does not work for everyone.
These include visualization, association to work or events, the alliteration of joining the name with an activity such as “Forklift Frank” or simply repetition. There is the peg method, where one will imagine an item being attached to a name for recall later. A man named “Jim” may have a nice tie on. So, you think of a really big “gem” in the middle of that tie to evoke his name later. But what if Jim is not wearing that tie the next time you see him?
There is also a technique of imagining a person or item belongs in a particular mental room or box that connects to other spaces. This seems to actually be fairly handy as it relates to lists and processes. Not much help in remembering a person’s name, though.
The brain's ability to remember names is rooted in a complex interplay of cognitive processes. Dr. Elizabeth Race, a cognitive psychologist and memory expert at Tufts University states, "Names are essentially labels that our brain assigns to individuals. The process of remembering names involves encoding, storage, and retrieval." That being said, not everyone codes, decodes or even stores information the same way.
The biggest reason these cheats don’t work for most is not everyone is a visual processor. Some learn best by audible means while others sort things out by tactile experience or even emotion. Yes, individual’s brains work differently.
Over the years, I have developed a few of my own cheats. Though not perfect, they generally serve me well. The first is that of repeating their name. Not mentally in an attempt to memorize but to actually use it in conversation. I feel some may be precluded from doing this out of seeming too casual upon meeting someone for the first time. But they did offer their name, so I use it as often as possible when speaking to them.
Far Eastern cultures have an appreciation for business cards. Professionals almost view them as an extension of their college degree certificate. Unlike Americans who quickly place one’s card in their pocket, Asians place a business card on the table or hold in their hand until the conversation is over. This is a sign of respect but also serves as a handy cheat sheet should you immediately go blank.
Though I may be bad at remembering names, for whatever reason, I have a tendency to remember stories about people. Not so much where they work, put what they specifically do. Life milestones, hobbies even their kids activities may be recalled before a name. It shows two things; I remember them, and I was listening when we first met. Last month, I wrote on active listening skills.
Some are astonished I can retell the story of how they met their spouse from a couple years prior. Anymore, I just lead with that when meeting someone. “I am bad with names, but tell me a little about yourself so I will remember you.” They are generally flattered by this since remembering a name is not as important as remembering the person. Carnegie also taught us a person's favorite topic of conversation is themselves.
Names are no more than labels unless they are components of human connection. As you attend your next reception or networking event, remember the words of Dr. Race: "Names hold the power to make others feel valued and respected. By dedicating your attention to remembering people, you're not just engaging in a memory exercise; you're nurturing relationships."